Well – how do I start??? Right now my favorite aunt is dying from pancreatic cancer. She choose not to treat it, as there was no cure, and the side effects would be terrible. This is an aunt who I spent many weekends with as a child – going to Boston on the T, riding the Swan Boats. She came with my mom sister and I on a trip to California when I was a kid. Those of you local to the Boston area will remember the Rex Trailer/Sgt Billy commercials. https://youtu.be/Dj0ex5Wm5_o?si=JQpIwFLNtBoNtIBW
A few years later, I wanted to go again with one of their “chaperones” . I asked my parents, if I could save HALF the money if I could go. They said YES! I did somehow manage to save that money! They had stopped letting kids go without an adult, so my aunt volunteered to go with me! (She would later tell me it was for HER because she wanted to go back on the trip too!) We had a great time. We did two more trips on our own to California and several trips to Florida. She came with my family and my mom when we went in 2017. One night we sent my mom, husband and kids back to the hotel and she, my sister and I went wild at the park on our own! It was so much fun. Since Alexander died, she has made sure to send a Christmas gift for him every year. It is usually a special Christmas Ornament or a suncatcher of some type. We don’t know how much longer she has, but when she does die, there will be a big hole in our family. But I know Alexander and my Dad will greet her with open arms.
Now, if that wasn’t enough for our family…..A couple of weeks ago I went for my annual mammogram. I got called back for a “second look”. It has happened before to me, and it has been fine. Well, this time, it wasn’t fine. I had to go for a biopsy. If you think a mammogram is uncomfortable! I have always thought it would be better if they had you lay flat and have your breasts hang down. Well, that is what this test was, and it was NOT better!! A couple of days later, I got the call that no one wants. The biopsy WAS positive for cancer 😢😢 I was given a quick report on the phone, and then had an appointment yesterday. I asked the surgeon what “stage” it was. She said BARELY stage 1. It was caught VERY early – the MD said it isn’t often they find it this early as it is very small. The plan is to have a lumpectomy, and then radiation, then an oral medication for several years.
I can’t say that my head is spinning – prob because of all we have been through with my dad, Alexander and now my aunt. It is more like it hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t plan on keeping a carepage or anything like that at this point. I do think I will update via this blog though. As for how often, I don’t know yet. My big thing is I don’t want a lot of sad eyes, oh poor you, God doesn’t give you any more than you can handle, blah blah blah.
I am in between the “WTF stage” and “well, it was bound to happen at some point, but WHY NOW”!?!?! When I first met with the MD before the biopsy, I told her I don’t have time for cancer right now. A friend of mine was dx shortly after her son died from neuroblastoma. She said all she wanted to do was hide under a blanket and get it over with. That is kind of how I am feeling. I don’t want people in my face, but I don’t want people to ignore me either. I want people to reach out (but yet don’t ask what do I need) but I don’t want people ignoring me either. If you do reach out and don’t reply back right away, don’t get upset – I just probably don’t have the energy or brain space to deal with that in the moment.
Until next time, ladies make your mammogram appointment, stop putting it off! And Fuck You STUPID fucking cancer.
thecookiegal 
🙏♥️🙏
F@*k cancer. Love you girl.
HUGS!
You’ve got this! 🙏🏻